Cock. It’s What’s For Dinner

 

Fellatio

Nice trim job, Daddy!

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Once again we find ourselves having this discussion. I hear that my sisters are slacking in the fellatio department.

I can’t hate. I understand, honestly I do. I was there once. I was That Wife who never sucked her husband’s dick, yet still enjoyed her share of cunnilingus.

Suck the dick. Seriously.  Banish that obnoxious term “foreplay” from your vocabulary. It’s all sex. And it can be hot like Georgia asphalt, to borrow a phrase from Wild at Heart.

  1. Get it wet. Visualize yourself as the world’s droolingest St. Bernard and slobber all over his dick. Spit on it. If you’re coming up short (or dry), enlist his assistance. If you’re desperate, gag yourself on his cock—this will provide the kind of lubrication you’re looking for. Most men will be only too happy to help if you can’t gag yourself. Drinking water won’t help…my go-to is Gatorade for a cocksucking thirst.
  2. Cover your teeth. When it comes to bad B-Js, this is the number one culprit. Some playful nips are OK,  but most guys don’t want your choppers dragging up and down the length of his member. Curl your lips over your pearlies and keep them there. (Some men do like a little teeth—they’ll let you know.)
  3. Get into it. He’s going to enjoy it a lot more if he knows—or at least thinks–you’re having a good time. Enthusiasm will compensate for lack of technique every time. The vibrations from your moans will feel good to him. Besides which, this is your lover, at least for the moment, so your job is to give him pleasure. Which brings us to #4.
  4. Get serious. It’s called a blow job for a reason, and it’s not over until he comes. Just like when you work out with weights—do it until you think you can’t do it anymore, and then do one more. And then two more. And so on. Hang in there.  When your jaw starts to really hurt:
  • Jerk him while you direct your attentions to his other nethers.
  • Lick his balls, putting pressure between the two fellas. Suck each separately (and gently).
  • Lick his perineum (or taint). If you’re feeling into it and he seems down, you can give his asshole a swipe or two with your tongue.
  • Spank your face with his cock. Do the same with your open mouth. Ask him to do it for you.
  • Look him in the eyes while you take him in your mouth.
  • The underside of the head, the frenulum, is the most sensitive part. Rub it against your wet lips while maintaining eye contact. Make out with it.

All of your hard work has paid off, and your boy is about to bust! Congratulations. Now:

  • Where’s that load going? Addressing this proactively seems to be the best way to go. If there’s a place you don’t want it—like your mouth, or your face—for God’s sake, don’t ruin all of your hard work and the erotic mood by screeching “DON’T CUM IN MY MOUTH!” Instead, purr “cum on my tits, lover” and he’ll know what to do from there.
  • The taste of semen seems to vary from man to man—some are sweetish, others are more bitter—all have vague Clorox overtones. In my opinion, cum tastes like balls smell. I only swallow on a selective basis. For me, swallowing is an art in itself. You can’t, cannot, bolt to the bathroom after he collapses. This is poor form.
  • Taking a swig from a nearby beverage is acceptable. By the same token, don’t wipe the cum off your tits or face or hair like it’s radioactive.  If I heard my lover gargling as I lay recovering, it would be a turnoff. Insulting. Plant a big wet one on him before sashaying to the bathroom to take care of business.

Because some of the fellas need help with their technique too, watch for the accompanying piece “Pussy: The Sweetest Dessert.”

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