The Art of the Cock Pic

Let’s stop hating on that schmuck Anthony Weiner, k? So he took bad naked selfies. So what? There’s lots of other reasons to not like the guy. In the arena of finding fuck partners on the Internets, the importance of a nice cock pic can’t be underestimated.  (We’re going to work on the art of finding said partners next week, so stay tuned. and take your cock pic now.)

Fuck the haters; a good cock pic can take you far. Obviously you shouldn’t be a jerk about it and go sending it around unsolicited—this should go without saying.

Make the investment in your sex life. The objective here is not to check off a box; this is an advertisement and you want to present yourself in the best light possible. Make sure your picture LOOKS GOOD and you don’t have to be packing the thickest longest droolingest tool to do this. Here’s how to take a good cock pic:

  1. Get it good and fucking hard, like morning-wood-in-ninth-grade hard. Now is not the time for hard enough. Be able to drive nails with it. I want to hear the skin stretching. Reading my blog might be good for this. There’s also this thing called porn.
  2. Take your time. Try different angles, lighting. Glare from the flash bouncing off your cock is distracting and not hot. You’re going to take a lot of pics. Accept it. Shooting from below will make your dick look bigger.
  3. Take your damn clothes off. At least your bottom half. I think a man in just a t-shirt is sexy, but that might just be my personal preference. But socks—socks off. Get her in the mood for your hot love. If you wear socks in the boudoir, stop. Seeing your jeans and boxers pushed down mid-thigh or wadded up around your ankles makes me think you’re taking a dump. Your bowel movements don’t get me hot. See how this works?
  4. Check out the environs. There should be as little as possible in the picture to draw attention away from your glorious boner. Take the dirty dishes off the coffee table and put them in the sink where they belong. Push the power strip under the desk. In bed is ideal, because penis+bed=fucking! If you must, the vanity mirror in the bathroom is acceptable, but for the love of God, get off the fucking toilet. No computer chair. And get your keyboard out of the shot.
  5. If you’re not comfortable sharing a pic of your naked chubby with the world, a pic through your underwear can be very hot, especially if your endowment is average or better. Briefs work especially well for this; your skivvies need to be tight and you need good lighting. The more she can see, the better. Grab the base of your junk firmly and drag your other hand along the material so that the prominent parts stand out.
  6. Be creative. Think like a woman. One of the best cock pics I ever saw was a black and white picture of a man on the couch wearing a sweater and socks (and normally I hate socks! But this worked), holding his beautiful proud dick on a rainy day. It called to mind coming home from brunch on a sleepy Sunday, getting cozy, getting naked, getting it on. Getting me fired up. A good cock pic can do it.
  7. As a final note—there are women who do like cock pics. And frankly, these are the women you want, whether you’re looking for Ms. Right or Ms. Right Now. Do you really want a gal who looks at an erection and says “ew?” That’s right you don’t.

2 thoughts on “The Art of the Cock Pic

  1. I like this post. Occasionally a woman will send me some kind of sexy pic and it always feels awkward to come up with an adequate reply. I’ve seen so many bad cockshots on the internet that I’ve always made an effort to try to come up with a good one. Female friends will say ‘look at what this guy sent’ and 90% of them are awful. Go the extra mile and you’ll be remembered. Follow these points.

    Also remember that pic you take can end up anywhere so you might as well take a pic you can be proud of.

  2. I’ve though of another aspect that I’d like to hear your opinion on. That is videos. I think that a lot of the above applies to making a video for a woman (or whomever) but I never feel like I’ve done it right. I’ve gotten some good feedback but I’m never sure if it’s working when I’m making it. I’m assuming one of the biggest points is don’t just focus on your cock.
    Frankly, I believe that your face should be seen the entire time but that’s just my taste. In fact some of the hottest videos to me are the “beautifulagony” type where you just see the person’s face.

    Oh and sound is just as important (if not more so subconsciously) than the video. So make some noise.

    What’s your thoughts? What do you like to see in a video?

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